Summarized Transcript of EPISODE 12 of Pissy But Pretty

Introduction: Setting the Stage

HOST (Heather Tarrant):
“Hello and welcome to Pissy But Pretty, a podcast about hindsight, hope, tangents, and cuss words. I’m Heather.”

CO-HOST (Emily Bagan):
“And I’m Emily. We’re your party tricks turned semi-responsible women, here to talk about life’s chaos with honesty and humor.”

This episode centers on anxiety, its triggers, how it manifests in daily life, and how trauma, motherhood, and media narratives amplify it.

What Is Anxiety and How Does It Show Up?

• Anxiety often appears as catastrophizing everyday events.
  
• Heather first learned she had anxiety when a GI doctor casually diagnosed her after a colonoscopy.
  
• Common triggers include:
  
  • Hyper-awareness of danger (e.g., spotting a man with a gun at a playground).
    
  • Social media spirals and viral blow-ups.
    
  • Parenting in a world that feels unsafe.
    

QUOTE:

“I catastrophize everything. Is that a word? Yes, and apparently, it’s my life.” —Heather

How One Facebook Post Became a National Story

Emily (Q): How did a simple photo turn into a media circus?
Heather (A):

• Shared a picture of her son at a playground, asking if it was legal for someone to carry a gun there.
  
• Within minutes, reporters and news stations called.
  
• The NRA got involved, reframing the narrative as a gun rights issue.
  
• Heather received death threats, some even targeting her 3-year-old son.
  

Key Takeaway (Semantic Hook): Anxiety multiplies when the Media Amplification Cycle reframes personal questions into public controversy.

Living With Fear in Public Spaces

• Grocery store trips felt unsafe; strangers either supported Heather or judged her.
  
• Even years later, a Google search of her son’s name pulls up the viral photo.
  
• Anxiety turned into a constant lens of hypervigilance:
  
  • Checking over shoulders.
    
  • Preparing kids with safety reminders daily.
    
  • Interpreting ordinary noises (like a baseball game nearby) as potential threats.
    

QUOTE:

“My heart is outside my body in the form of my two kids.” —Heather

Trauma That Changes Everything: The Drunk Driving Crash

Emily’s Story:

• In December 2023, her family was hit head-on by a drunk driver in Wisconsin.
  
• She pulled the man from his burning vehicle before rescuing her kids.
  
• Despite clear DUI evidence, the case was dismissed, reflecting Wisconsin’s leniency on drunk driving, fueled by the Tavern League’s influence.
  

Consequences:

• Ongoing physical therapy and medical bills.
  
• Deepened anxiety and depression.
  
• Children developing trauma responses (fear of cars, confusion).
  

QUOTE:

“Car accidents are violent. You never forget the sound or the feeling.” —Emily

Coping Strategies: Medication, Therapy, and Motherhood

• Heather: 10 years on anxiety medication; tried to taper off but found political and world events worsened symptoms.
  
• Emily: Leaned on sobriety, therapy, and resilience tools, debating whether medication might now be necessary.
  
• Both emphasize that self-care is survival, not weakness.
  

Why Is Everyone So Angry?

• Observations: People today are more hostile, impatient, and politically divided.
  
• Women in particular carry constant vigilance (walking alone, Uber rides, late-night work).
  
• Humor and storytelling serve as coping mechanisms.
  

QUOTE:

“Maybe they need to watch this podcast and scream at their phones instead of the McDonald’s cashier.” —Emily

Closing Reflections: Turning Pain Into Connection

• Anxiety is universal but isolating until we share it out loud.
  
• Pissy But Pretty offers a safe space where honesty, humor, and raw storytelling normalize emotional struggles.
  
• The episode closes with laughter, gratitude, and an invitation to join the community.
  

Raw Transcript:

Any plastic surgeons out there, reach out. I catastrophize everything. Is that a word? It is.

I like it. Thank you. Hello and welcome to Pissy But Pretty, a show about hindsight, hope, tangents, and cuss words.

We are your hosts, party tricks turned semi-responsible women. I am Heather Tarrant. And I’m Emily Bagan.

Hi. Hi. Welcome to Pissy But Pretty.

You always stand out so weird. Why do we do it? I don’t know. But guess what I am.

I’m crazy for Swayze. I love this shirt. We have matching.

We do have matching shirts. Wish you would have told me you brought it. An Xmas present.

Oh, do you want to match? I mean, if we have matching outfits, we probably should. Well, we both have sports bras on. No, I have a real one on today.

Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, there it goes again. I just have a sports bra on.

I don’t know. I find it quite comfortable. I have to hold up all the loose skin that I have now after losing weight.

So again, any plastic surgeons out there, reach out. Take it off me. Do you think they could reuse the skin and make like a suit? A skin suit.

Like a skin suit? Put the lotion in the basket. Does what it’s told or gets the hose again. Oh, my thing fell off.

Okay. Anyway. Here we go.

We are going to talk today about anxiety. Here I am. Anxiety.

I’m going to hate the fact that I just did that. I love everything about that. Why? I think you sounded amazing.

And I harmonized it in my head. Thank you. You’re welcome.

We do that. Okay. Shoots riding up my ass.

Nope. That didn’t make sense. Nope.

Not even a little. Anyway. Anyways, you got Patrick Swayze on your boobs.

God rest his soul. Nobody puts baby in the corner. I carried a watermelon.

Stop it. You can’t get me started on movies. That was a mistake.

Well, anywho. He was like 40. Everybody just dogs baby’s dad.

But come on. No. He was so awesome though.

I loved him. Died of pancreatic cancer. Yeah.

The way my mother-in-law did. I know. It’s so sad.

Point break. Sometimes I don’t even think I know you. Why did I just imitate a cat? Or is that like a dog sneeze? I don’t know.

I never saw it. But one day I will. So.

Put that on the list. Anxiety. I can remember the first moment I found out that I have anxiety.

It was pivotal. It was done by a butthole doctor. You got to warn a bitch.

It was done by a butthole doctor. Is that like a GI? Yes. A GI doctor.

I was having some digestive issues. Oh, that’ll do her. And had to go in for a colonoscopy.

You know. And he said, sorry. He said.

He said, sorry. Sorry. I got to go up your butthole now.

And you turn to the side and you’re like, I’ve had worse. If you can’t beat I’m trying. Check out my balloon nut.

Titus dropped. She’s got anxiety. So he afterwards, when I woke up.

Thank God I was asleep. But when I woke up, he was like. So what do you have anxiety about? I was like, I’m sorry.

What now? He said, everything looks shipshape up there. And you have. You have got to have anxiety.

Oh, my God. And I all of a sudden was like, this makes so much sense. Yeah.

Turns out probably a month or so before that. I was at. I can’t remember if it was my cousin’s wedding shower or baby shower.

But I’m sitting at a shower. We love those. I don’t like those.

Yeah. Parker was like two or three. And Digger had sent me a picture of Parker at a playground by our house sitting on top of the slide.

It was a nice day out. He took him to the playground. And the very first thing I noticed was a man standing on top of the slide behind Parker with a gun holstered on his hip.

I know. Come on. And that was the very first thing I noticed.

And I wrote him back. And I said, that’s awesome. But who’s the guy with the gun behind you? Why is there a grown man packing? Yeah.

He goes, I didn’t even notice that. And we’re already home. And I’m like, I showed it around to the table of women.

And that’s the exact first thing all of us women noticed. But it kind of bothered me. I was like, all right, why do you feel the need to have a gun at a park? It’s weird.

So the next day, I remember it was still bothering me. Before I went to work, I posted that picture on Facebook. And all I wrote was something like, don’t know why.

Or I said something like, is this even legal? Why do you need a gun in the park? Don’t know how I feel about this. Posted the picture, left for work. It took me seven minutes to get to work.

By the time I got to work, I had already had phone calls from newspapers, news stations. And this thing blew up. My god.

So turns out, like, they were interviewing. Like, they interviewed me. They interviewed the police chief.

The police chief of Oconomowoc said, They interviewed you? Yeah. Oh, yeah, a lot. Whoa.

And they said, the police chief said, It’s not legal to have a gun in the park. If you find somebody carrying in the park, please notify us. And he actually had said that they sent that picture out to surrounding police stations to make sure it wasn’t a police officer, like, off duty or something like that.

Sure, sure. No one claimed this guy. And you can’t really see his face.

I still don’t know who this guy was. But I guess the NRA or IR, what is it then? National Rifle Association. They got big time involved.

And all of a sudden, they were like, No, Wisconsin just passed a law that you can now carry guns in the park. Again, why do you need them? I don’t know. But I guess it’s legal.

Is that like a concealed carry thing? Maybe so. I don’t really know. So he’s two or three.

Yeah. That’s over a decade ago. Yeah, right.

So I’m not sure what the laws were back then. I thought if you conceal and carry, you had to conceal it and it wasn’t concealed. Right.

But I don’t know. I don’t know. Like, Digger actually was bothered about it because he was like, Well, there were a lot of older kids running around this park too.

All it would have taken was for somebody. I don’t know how holsters work, but maybe it’s locked in there. I don’t know.

Maybe it has a strap and a snap. Maybe it does. Maybe it does.

But anyways, so that then made Okanwoke have to change the rules and whatever. But unfortunately, the media kind of spun it to how they wanted to spin it. Typical.

Yeah. Like, all of a sudden it became mom against drugs, dare to keep your kids off drugs. Mom against guns, fighting to keep guns out of the park and like all of this stuff.

Oh my gosh. And what’s crazy is like, I am not against guns. No.

I grew up, my dad was a hunter. I used to shoot trap with my dad. I used to be kind of good at it, actually.

Sure. Those big eyes. You can see things.

Yeah, right? Yeah. But so it turned out to be this huge thing then where people behind their keyboards, the little keyboard warriors were giving me death threats and my son death threats. Oh my gosh.

And one thing, if you want to come for me, come for me. But coming for my three-year-old son, like what the hell? Nope. We got so many threats.

And I just remember always being scared. That’ll do her. I would go to the grocery store and people would stop me.

Oh gosh. People to my face were amazing, but they also didn’t know the real story. They were like, we stand with you.

And I just always said thank you because I just wanted to get out of there. But I would often be like, stand with what? Because you don’t even know the whole story. So you had all of these, sorry to say, gun crazed people being like… Being fed something false about you and about the story.

And still, whether it was true or not, I don’t feel like any of it was appropriate, but you’re not getting the whole story. There was a picture that a friend of ours took a screenshot of that had been removed off Facebook before I could see it. And he had a feeling it would, so he took a screenshot.

And there were these adult Duck Dynasty looking bearded men standing with their machine guns right on top of that slide where Parker was sitting. And it just turned into this thing that it didn’t have to be. I remember going to Digger’s first softball game that’s… I don’t know why I’m getting emotional.

Um, that season and walking in with Parker in the stroller and just whether they were or not, I felt like everyone was staring at me and I couldn’t breathe. And I looked at Digger and I just said, find a ride home. I need to take my kid home.

Yep. Need to go. Need to go now.

And so when that doctor looked at me and he said, what are you anxious about? And I said, what do you mean? I’m not anxious. I’m fine. Weren’t you just in my booty? Yeah, right.

That could be a little bit of it. And so then I said, well, I don’t know if you watch the news or whatever, but there was this picture that was out. My son was that.

And he looked at me. He goes, that is you. Because at that time we had been in all the newspapers.

We had been in the, on the news stations. And what bothers me still to this day, if you were to Google my son, that picture comes up. Of course.

And it’s gross. So horrible. And then like everything finally like calmed down a bit and then it all got amped up again because the end of the year came and it on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the front cover was stories of the year.

Oh, shut up. And there was that fucking picture. Oh my gosh.

So annoying. So annoying. But Parker doesn’t know anything about it yet.

I’m sure he hasn’t Googled himself at 14 years old. Maybe they do. I don’t know.

But now that I think about it, it’s maybe something that I should bring up to him and just be like, hey, this was a big deal back then. You probably won’t have to deal with it. Any of the repercussions now.

Let’s hope not. Right. But if you Google yourself, this picture will come up.

And this is why. And this was actually what happened. And this was actually my goal in posting this, not what happened.

And not what the media made into a controversial circus that destroyed you for a minute there. Yeah. I mean, I didn’t leave my house.

I don’t blame you. It makes you realize they can put whatever narrative they want. Yeah.

Oh, for sure. And you don’t have any control over that. Nope.

You sit there, for lack of a better word, being a victim. You asked an innocent question. Is it okay to conceal carry in a park? Yeah.

Surrounded by children. If it was empty and you’re just walking your dog, I don’t know, whatever. But there’s a child.

Right. Children, lots of them. And it’s a valid question.

We can’t ask questions without it being controversial, without it turning into a media circus. It blew up. And it’s this against this, and we’ve got to be really angry and upset about it.

Come on. It blew up. And, I mean, the anxiety pills that I got put on definitely worked.

Funny thing is I tried weaning myself off of them. Weaning. Weaning.

Weaning. I asked my doctor, like, I just, I was wondering if I still needed to take them. I wanted to see how I’d feel without them.

And- Was this like a daily thing? Like, were you, was it like prescribed? Like- Oh, yeah. You took a- I have to take- Anxiety pill in the morning. And he, when I first went on him, he had told me, by the way, you can’t cut this cold turkey because it really Fs with you.

Yeah. So he said, you got to wean yourself off. So literally, this was last, like, October, November-ish.

So I had been on them for 10 years. Yeah. And so I wanted to see if I felt I still needed them.

Sure. Turns out election time isn’t the right time to start weaning yourself off of them. Sure.

Yeah. I just remember, like, always being so upset. And like, what is, this world is crazy, which it is.

It is. And I remember telling my mom, like, and I started bawling over something political and what was going on. Oh.

And we all know I’m not a crier. No. And so, like, and she goes, and I said, I don’t know.

And she goes, are your anxiety pills not working for you anymore? Do you need to up the dosage? I’m like, no, I’m trying to wean myself off of them. She goes, this is not a good time to do that. Not the right time.

Not the right time. Yeah. Maybe you should wait.

Yeah. And now the world is way more effed up than ever. And I don’t think I’ll ever go off of them anytime in the near future.

And that’s great. Whatever. Whatever.

Makes me feel better. Yes, you have got to do what you’ve got to do. Well, and I really, like, I remember being younger and my mom saying, if I had known how crazy this world was going to be, I may have thought twice before having kids.

And now it’s way crazier. No matter what you believe, religion-wise, political-wise, this world is nuts. Everybody’s angry.

Everybody’s fighting. Girl, they are so mad. Everybody is so mad.

Maybe they need to watch this podcast and relax a little. They should just watch it and maybe scream at their phone or something while they’re watching it. That’s fine.

Because if that saves you from screaming at the kid at McDonald’s or the billing department at your doctor’s office just saying, then, yeah, that’s fine. But yeah, people are angry. And I think personally, the anxiety thing for me is getting worse and worse and worse and worse these days because it’s stressful.

I have children. My heart is outside my body in the form of my two kids. Every day when my son leaves the house, I say, please be safe.

Please be safe. You’re 14. You know what I tell my kid? Learn lots and do great things.

Every day. Make good choices. Every day.

Jesus, do you? Yeah. That’s great. I wake him up with a song.

Be safe. The birds chirping. I do.

I let doves go every morning when I wake him up. Yes, I do. And you tell him to be safe.

Well, because I’m scared to death. Schools these days aren’t safe. Thank you.

I am scared to death. Whether, you know, it’s somebody at school that has a problem and they get a hold of daddy’s gun or they go on the bus and it’s a car wreck because car accidents are very right here in my brain. Never used to be until we gotten one.

And then it changed. It changed. The anxiety is very real.

The anxiety for a mom is very real. Women is very real. I love, you know, there’s a lot of things coming out now how women have to be on guard and they have to have their phones.

They have to have that recording of that big guy, you know, when they’re in the Uber, like, yeah, baby, you on your way home because they’re creeped out by the driver, whatever, whatever. They’ve just got to protect themselves. And it’s, you know, it’s crazy how I don’t know that men understand that.

I don’t know that men understand that. I look over my shoulders everywhere I go. I work late.

I walk outside. There is a gym next door to my job. I walk out by myself and it’s dark as hell.

It scares me. And this is why I need more of you in my brain. Because you don’t look.

I’m oblivious. Well, you’re on medication, which is great. That means it’s working.

And I leave late at night of my job, too. And you’re like, gosh, it’s really windy. The other night, I left at 1030.

Jesus Christ. I know. Well, and then I forgot that we’re finally getting into nice weather.

We have the baseball stadium not far from the salon. Oh, yeah. It’s over the highway.

But I walked out the door and I hear this loud man’s voice. And I was like, God. It’s your conscience.

Are you my conscience? We haven’t spoken in a while. But at first, it gave me a little slight heart attack in my ticker. And then I had to be like, oh, wait.

Doc Collins are playing. You betcha. Yeah.

But I’m so oblivious. And actually, I’ve had clients, like my last client of the night, be like, do you want me to stay? Yes. And I’m like, for what? And the answer is, yeah.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. The answer is yes. No, I’m good.

I am good. Nobody wants to fuck with me anymore. Try it.

You do have giant mugs that I hope you know can be tossed. Throw me outside the head with my water. Miss Stanley.

Crack, crack. Yeah. But no, yeah.

I’m always thinking of things that could go wrong. I catastrophize everything. Is that a word? It is.

I like it. Thank you. I only know that because I think I asked my therapist, does catastrophize a word? And she looked above her glasses.

She said, yes, it is. I said, sometimes I amaze myself at how smart I am. You are.

Whatever. I’m paranoid. I’m scared.

Are you on an anti-anxiety? I am not. Clearly. Have you thought about it? I’ve been thinking about it a lot more.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot more. Yeah. We had a car accident, you know, the end of 2023.

And I think that humbled me in a big way. It really did. It was a drunk driver.

It was your entire family. My children and my husband were in my brand new car, my dream car, so mad. Anyways, 4.16 in the afternoon, little drunky McDrunkerson’s in his Subaru.

Yeah, head on into my entire world. I thought I had my shit together until I was standing there holding my kids. And it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

Well, you actually got him out of his burning vehicle too. I did. I did.

It was December. So it was dark already. And we hit each other and went in 90 degrees.

He’s on the middle of 83. We went into the ditch. I got my son out.

My husband was getting out. My daughter was still in the car seat and it was locked. And I’m looking over and it’s fire.

I thought it was a woman. Not that that would make any difference. He just had long hippie hair, whatever.

And I said, we’ve got to get this lady out of the car. So I ran into the middle of 83. And he hit another truck in front of us and ricocheted off the truck and head on into us.

Not a single brake was hit. And me and the passenger of the truck went and got him out. You got to get out of your car.

He’s just lollying. It’s on fire. It is on fire.

And you’re not moving. Right. And then I got my daughter out of her car seat.

I grabbed something, I don’t know, and my son and my daughter. And it was raining and we’re standing there. My son is sobbing next to me.

And I went, this is fucked up. I am so mad right now. Every emotion, you know.

And then you find out that he was drinking. And he was on medication and on drugs, per the police report. And it just is one of those things that it’s like, well, here it comes again.

Drugs and alcohol are still trying to fucking kill me. So frustrating. I will never forget getting that text message from you saying, we were hit head on by a drunk driver.

We’re in the ambulance on our way to the emergency room. And I looked at Digger. I’m like, I got to go.

Of course. And I met you there. And I’ll never forget that cop coming in.

And we were all in that one big room. And him saying he was drinking. He is at the jail right now.

He didn’t go to jail. Or he was at the hospital. He was at the hospital.

And he even said he’ll get off because it’s his first offense. And none of us. Yeah.

Yes. And none of us died, had a concussion or broken bones, which I did. They just didn’t find it.

Ironically, women are not treated sometimes very well after motor vehicle accidents. Talk to Gruber. They will tell you women are not believed.

The men. And unfortunately, like everyone else in my family, not unfortunately, fortunately, they were very well taken care of. Head to toe scans, x-rays, whatever.

I was never even put in a hospital gown anyway. Yeah, you weren’t. No, I wasn’t.

I was just covered in airbag dust and fear, whatever. So yeah, because we all lived. I’ll just say Steven went home with his mom and dad.

And that’s the problem with Wisconsin. Anger. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Wisconsin has some pretty shitty laws as far as drinking and driving, clearly.

I just saw a warrant poster on Facebook this morning. They’re looking for a guy in our county that had his fourth DUI offense. Like this is the problem.

And like from the study that was done out of Marquette, I believe. Wisconsin is the most tolerant state on DUIs. And we’re the biggest drinking, we’re the drunkest state.

Tavern League. Tavern League of Wisconsin controls it all. Nobody is responsible for that drunk driver, including them.

That’s disgusting. They blame the bar, they blame the person. Yeah, he got off.

OWI, it was dismissed. I still can’t believe that. I know, I know.

So after that, it humbled me. It humbled me. My husband didn’t do well with that traumatic experience.

And I was left with my children. I knew something was wrong in my body. It hurt.

But the anger, anxiety, I got so depressed after that. It was really a pivotal moment. I think I got arrogant in my sobriety or just comfortable.

Maybe. And after that, I was like, holy shit. So I started back up with therapy.

I don’t know if I need medication again. I don’t know. I don’t want to.

No, right. Nobody wants to, I don’t think. I think it’s a benefit.

But it’s something that you find crippling at times where you don’t want to leave your house or you feel like you can’t breathe because, you know. I think it’s just been something I’ve dealt with for so long. And I’ve just got all those tools that I just try to deal with.

Well, if your therapist hasn’t said anything to you about it, maybe that’s, if they haven’t offered it to you or said maybe you should consider, then they know better than anybody else. I think her concern is the anger. The anger and relapse.

To numb that away. It’s just, how dare you? How dare you get in my head? And that trauma, you know, the sound. Car accidents are fucking violent.

Violent. It’s a second. I will never, like you can always hear that sound, feel that feeling.

Yes. Always. Holy cow.

So. Yeah. Well, and I think that I’ll never forget walking into that emergency room and I took one look at you, you started bawling.

I took one look at Rick and I have never seen him cry before. He started crying and then I just started. And because in an instant, this stupid decision that this kid made, when we have made multiple decisions.

I get it. That are dumb. I get it.

But this time you could have killed my family. Like you could have taken out four of the most important people in my life. For real? Like, and these kids don’t deserve any of that and don’t deserve to deal with the trauma.

But. There was some fear for them. There was counseling.

They got in counseling right away. I made sure of it. I remember little Shiloh coming up to me.

Heather, we were in a car accident. Remember when that guy hit our car? Oh, when I got the new car, which is just like the old one, my poor three-year-old at the time was so confused. She was terrified.

She didn’t want to get in it. It was. He has no clue what he has done.

And that drives me bonkers. Because you didn’t have to have any repercussions. How, for whatever reason, they dismiss the case against you.

When even the cop in the emergency room said he was drunk. He’s hammered. I don’t understand what happened there.

It was definitely an injustice. But he will, he thinks he got off scot-free. And that drives me crazy because you left all these people, this family.

Right. To now deal with your dumb decision. Exactly.

We are still in physical therapy, getting injections, seeing more doctors, more and more and more and more doctors out of our pocket. And it’s a year and a half later. Yep.

It’s not right. My head is way too heavy. It just feels like.

Anyway, that’s our anxiety story. Yep. It’s everywhere.

It’s everywhere. All right. Like, subscribe, email us.

Yeah, let us know what you think. Questions, comments. Concerns.

Tell us we’re pretty. Put a concern in the comment box. Oh, suggestion.

Suggestion. I jumped to conclusions, Mads. Anyways.

Peterman, check out the tits on channel 52. All right. All right.

Thanks for tuning in. We’ll see you next time. Bye, y’all.

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